He molested me years ago, and now people are match-making us

Dear Laju,
How does a girl deal with the friendliness emanating from her molester? This girl right here has genuinely forgiven the perpetrator but wants nothing to do with the person. But social media has somehow placed them together after some years since the episode, and the perpetrator is trying to be friendly. I try to think that I am naturally friendly, so I don’t treat him any different from others in the group. But it gets pretty annoying when people start matchmaking us.
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Thank you for your question. I think it is a good thing you have done by forgiving the person who molested you. Forgiveness is the bible way; and is very important to help you recover from such emotional trauma. However, you are not under any obligation to be his friend. You have already been friendly enough by not bringing charges against him. Sexual abuse is a serious offence, and I do not think that rewarding him with a close friendship will be healthy for you. It may not also be healthy for him. Has he apologized for what he did? When you let him get too close, he might think it’s a normal thing and might attempt to do it to you or someone else again. I think you should give him some space. If he has changed, all well and good but I don’t see what good will come out of a close relationship with him.
Do you have a question for me? Please drop it in the comments section or send an email to lajuiren@lajuiren.com. I would love to hear from you. Even if I don’t know the answer, I know the One who does *winks.

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3 Comments

  1. Uruabia February 22, 2017 at 8:03 pm

    Dear Laju,
    Please can you do a write up on abusive relationships. My friends boyfriend hit her recently while they were arguing about his suspected unfaithfulness. He says that he is not that kind of man and that he was pushed. Though this has happened for the first time, I fear that it could happen again. I need information to advice her properly. Thanks.

    Reply
    1. Laju Iren February 27, 2017 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Urabia,
      I’m so sorry about your friend. I will do a full length post as you have requested. In the meantime, I think you must do everything you can to get your friend to leave him. If he had a female boss who accused him of being a thief, I am almost too sure he would not hit her because his job is important to him. He is that kind of man. More things will happen in marriage that will test his limits, so if her suspecting he is cheating can push him to hit her, what if something similar or worse happens tomorrow. Men who beat women start it one day and she is very lucky that they are not married yet. She should not see it as a one off thing, but rather as a warning sign. Also, he has already given her reason to suspect his fidelity. Sincerely I don’t like the direction this is going. Please talk to her calmly but firmly, mentioning everything I have said. Let her see that your intentions are pure. If she won’t listen, please tell someone she respects to also speak with her. Pray about it okay? You’re both in my prayers.

      Reply
  2. Uruabia February 27, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    Thank you very much. I would do as you have advised

    Reply

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