Dear Laju, I’m not physically attracted to guys…or girls.

Dear Laju, I’m a twenty year-old single girl and I’m not physically attracted to guys, neither am I attracted to girls, so I know I’m not a lesbian.
I have a minor crush and it goes away in about a week. The last one I had was in SS2. Is something wrong with me? I would not mind if that’s the sign to a life of singleness in God’s kingdom, I just want to be sure that I am normal.
Thank you for your question. I think I must start by assuring you that there is nothing wrong with you. If you were attracted to girls, we’d be having a totally different conversation, but since you’re not, it makes things a whole lot easier. The purpose of our lives is not marriage. It’s Christ. Whether or not you marry is your choice. You will not be hampered from fulfilling God’s will for your life simply because you are not married. The Apostle Paul, considering the difficult times Christians in the early church were going through, believed things would be easier if people remained single.
He says in 1 Cor 7:7: Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me–a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others (MSG)
In verse 17, he says: And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.
However, I think we might be getting ahead of ourselves if we simply conclude that marriage is not for you. You’re just twenty for Christ’s sake, and there was that one crush! It is possible that you have high standards- which is a good thing- and as such haven’t really found someone that can meet up to them.
There is also something worth considering; you mentioned in your other question that you were molested as a child; it is possible that the experience made you to shut yourself from the prospect of romantic entanglements. Also, do you have examples of what you might consider to be good marriages in your immediate environment? Perhaps, the idea of relationships may not seem appealing to you if you don’t know many people who are happy in theirs.
It could also be possible that you’re not just that type of girl who has crushes easily. I have a sister like that. Her personality and temperament was just different from people like me who used to have a crush a week. (I have repented now though, I have one man crush for life in the hubby). She’s happily married now by the way.
That said, not being an ‘easy crusher’ isn’t a problem. The question we might need to ask is why. If we find roots in the abuse you suffered as a child, then we need to talk some more and deal with it. If not, if that’s just you, it’s no biggie really. You have more than enough time to be swept off your feet by the right dude if you desire. If you just don’t ‘dig’ the relationship thing, follow God; it’s not an inferior calling.
Do you have a question for me? Please drop it in the comments section or send an email to I would love to hear from you. Even if I don’t know the answer, I know the One who does *winks.

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  1. tobi December 13, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    Hello Laju,
    I have been dating my boyfriend for three years. I am ready to get married tomorrow..(lol), but he is thinking of going for a Masters in September 2017 which is likely to delay the marriage till December 2018 (earliest time, which is two years from now).
    Ohh, btw he thinks we can’t afford to get married now that’s why we aren’t planning for before the masters.
    We are constantly in disagreement over this matter and it’s causing a lot of friction.
    We pray about it, but we also need advice.

    1. Laju Iren December 13, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      Tobi, although I’m not usually in support of long courtships, patience is a virtue. Many guys feel like they have to get it all together before the wedding. Although this is not really as important as they think, it is important that a man believes that he is ready to get married. He is going to be the head of the marriage, so you have to let him lead in this regard. It is good that he knows how you feel. But now, let him lead. Don’t be anxious that the relationship won’t survive the long distance. Just remember regardless, that God has your back, and trust your man to lead. Owing you a full post before the end of next week…

  2. tobi December 23, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    Thank you ma’am.
    I am patiently waiting for that full post.


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