Why Should We Wait Till Marriage to Have Sex? What if my husband can't satisfy me in bed?

Hello Laju,
Please what is your view on sex before marriage. Does it mean those who have sex before marriage don’t have a good relationship after marriage? I have heard of cases where this is prevalent and their relationship seems fine.

Another thing is, what if when you marry you find out ur husband is not good in bed or he’s penis is too small, in otherwords, how do you handle sexual dissatisfaction? Because some people claim that if they were engaging in sexual relations, the lady would have been aware before going to marriage.

After all said, I would want your blog to say things the way they are and not sugar coat in the name of Christianity because a lot of young girls out there are suffering in silence because even the church has a way of shunning the reality of things.

Hello. Thank you so much for your question. It is possible that couples can have sex with each other before marriage and be happy in marriage. It’s also possible that some couples can wait until marriage to have sex and still have issues in their marriage. But that doesn’t make it right. The purpose of our lives isn’t to do what makes us happy but to live for Christ. When we speak in the light of eternity, we are not sugar coating things. The realities of the life hereafter are more real than the ones we see here. Our bodies are God’s temple his desire is that our bodies are kept pure until marriage. Our lives aren’t meant to be lived for ourselves or our happiness but for him. When we have such mind sets, our reward is everlasting joy and not momentary happiness.

That said, the issue of trust is one that would be a bigger issue for a couple who did not wait till marriage for sex than for a couple that did. Because you did it with your partner before marriage might make him or her feel like you can do the same with someone else in marriage. What about those that had sex but still did not get into marriage? That has got to hurt! Break ups hurt much more when sex is involved. There is a level of oneness and intimacy during the sexual experience that makes you understand why God’s will is that it happens in marriage. Don’t forget that sex was designed by God himself. He knew what he was doing when he designed it within the context of marriage. It was out of love for us, not to punish us.

About figuring out whether your husband to be is good in bed before marriage, let me ask you a question: What would you prefer: a man with so much experience that he’s great in bed, but can’t be faithful? Or a man who is faithful and can grow in his experience with you and in his knowledge of satisfying you sexually.

Another misconception is that sexual satisfaction is simply determined by how big a man is ‘down there’. That’s not necessarily true. The male sex organ about doubles in size during intercourse. Also, there is more to sexual satisfaction than the sexual act as majority of women reach orgasm during foreplay. If one decides to keep on sleeping wih different boyfriends to compare sexual prowess, you’ll run into problems. We’ve already established the fact that it is a sin, but there is much more. How many will a girl have to sleep with to find out who the best is. And what if the best person has a really horrible character.

Sex is a special gift. Not just because of the act itself, but because of the intimacy and the oneness it should breed as God designed it. One can grow in experience with one sexual partner in marriage and enjoy it to the fullest.

Ps: I get that there are some issues that some churches shun which need to be talked about more often. But Christianity in itself is a real as real can get. When you compare spending eternity with Christ to the fleeting time we will spend on this earth, it makes sense why the gospel must take centrestage above all else.

God’s spirit can strengthen you to live above sexual sin. Find out how here

Until the wedding night…

Eight types of couples likely to ‘do it’ before the wedding night

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  1. Karen Ubani November 18, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    Amazing work! Finally someone is answering tough questions.

    1. Laju Iren November 18, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      Thank you Karen

  2. Shalom Igwe November 18, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    This has got to be the most spiritually mature and yet sensitive response I have read or heard as regarding this issue…God bless you Pst. Laju for this!

    1. Laju Iren November 18, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      Thank you so much Shalom

  3. Adekunle Osilaja November 18, 2016 at 8:34 pm

    The most beautiful and most concrete response ever. God bless you PL

  4. Faith Samson November 19, 2016 at 8:02 am

    Well said Ma. God bless you.

  5. Jyeesmuis November 19, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    This is just awesomeeeee…….. I love you PL. Thank you ma.

  6. Seal davida November 19, 2016 at 8:47 pm

    Wow…finally..the perfect guideline for godly couple..thank you ma..

  7. Thomas May 30, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    Thank you for this ma. Boldly, clearly and soundly spoken.


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