by Laju Iren
Right from when I was a little girl, I always dreamed of my wedding day. My knight in shining armour (whichever guy I was crushing on at the time, lol) standing at the other end of the aisle, me in my beautiful dress getting ready for my fairytale life…My hubby says: “N.a. girls dey do that one o!” But admits that from his teens, he did look forward to the perks that marriage offers.
I met him when he was eighteen, and even then, he knew he wanted to get married early. So I don’t know why he was ‘forming.’ But that’s another gist for another day. If you’re single and you’re reading this, you most likely have a few ideas about what think marriage is like. You probably have since childhood. Chances are that some of your ideas might be wrong. But just before you disagree, find out what these misconceptions are and then you can tell me what you think in the comments section.
1. Marriage is everything
Many single people think that marriage is everything. You hear people say stuff like: ‘If I can just get married, I’d be the happy,’
‘Our relationship would be better when we get married’, and you just know you’re getting it wrong.
When you expect a special someone to fill the void that only God can fill, you miss the point. You are setting yourself up for dissatisfaction, and putting undue pressure on your partner and on the relationship. You were not made for marriage, but for Christ. That is the purpose of your life. So don’t be so desperate for marriage at the expense of your relationship with God.
Another point to note is that marriages have challenges. If you think marriage is everything, you can lose your mind once there is a challenge in your home. Your Faith in God can be shaken when your spouse disappoints you. You can lose your joy if you have a delay in child bearing.
Marriage is not everything. You can be happy in marriage, you should be. But no only do you reduce your chances of happiness when you expect marriage to fulfill you, you also limit yourself in your singleness.
2. Faithfulness is a myth
Some people don’t believe that one person can be faithful to their spouse all their lives, and so you have ladies going into marriages, not expecting their husbands to stay faithful to them, and men, going into marriage not expecting to be faithful since they believe that their wives could leave them for ‘somebdy richer anyways.’ Our standard is God’s word. He says that marriage is honourable in all things with the bed undefiled. So it does not matter what you have seen in marriages all around you, faithfulness is not a myth.
I know everything I need to know about my spouse
There is still a lot you don’t know about your spouse that you will find out in marriage. It does not mean that he or she has been pretending, but marriage gives you the opportunity to get to know a person on a deeper, closer level. However, more often than not, in courtship, there are usually signs of a person’s real character, so love with your eyes open. But in marriage, don’t be easily discouraged when you notice some surprises about your spouse, he or she is also probably having the shock of their lives as well.
4.I will have a marriage like my parents’
If your parents have or had a good marriage, there is a tendency to think that you will have a marriage just like theirs. That might seem like a good thing, until your realize that your spouse is probably expecting the same thing…and you’re both from different homes. Your spouse is probably very different from your mum or dad, so don’t be quick to compare them. If on the other hand, your parents’ marriage was nothing to write home about, you might be afraid that the same thing could happen to you. Don’t walk in fear. Your marriage will turn out according to how you invest in it, both spiritually and emotionally.
Marriage is perfect with the right person
Even if, (and I’m praying it happens) you do find someone who is an answer to prayer down to the last full stop, that won’t make your marriage void of challenges. Human beings are not perfect, that’s why you must not be quick to lose faith when there are challenges in your relationship. There is a certain level of commitment that you will find in every relationship that works. Of course, there are some dating relationships you must break up, find out here. But there are some others that require a determination to stay together and work them through.
Children will make it worth my while
Dear single lady, someone you have to lure into marriage with a pregnancy might agree to marry you, but you can lure him into faithfulness. You’re special because your body is God’s temple. It was not made for fornication or to make a career out of ‘baby mama-ism’ it was made for Christ. Children bring a lot of joy into a home, but having a child is not enough to build a strong home.
7. There are no good marriages, Marriage gets boring after a while
Author and Entrepreneur, Dale Patridge said something so amazing to people who think this way: “Men are so worried that marriage will leave them with “only one woman” for the rest of their lives. That’s simply not true. I fell in love with a 19-year-old rock climber, married a 20-year-old animal lover, started a family with a 24-year-old mother, then built a farm with a 25-year-old homemaker, and today I’m married to a 27-year-old woman of wisdom. If your mind is healthy, you’ll never get tired of “one woman”. You’ll actually become overwhelmed with how many beautiful versions of her you get to marry over the years.”
I totally agree. Marriage gives you the opportunity to grow even more in love with each other every day. It doesn’t get old or boring if you do it right. There are good marriages out there, but if you have the wrong mindset, you reduce the chances of yours being one of them.
Thank you so much Pastor Laju! God bless you and your home.
To add to these misconceptions, some people think how grand or lavish the wedding is will also determine the course (or outcome) of the marriage. I am not saying that we should not have a memorable day (wedding) but that should not be the “acid-test” for your marriage.
I love this post.
It helped me look at my relationship and consider things objectively.
Thank you Pastor Laju for another inspiring post.
Wow!! This was sooo inspiring and thought provoking
I should visit the site more often!!
Beautiful piece, I ll add that we think our marriages must be like the fairytales in books. In truth, marriage is just your regular day to day life and is affected by the choices we make. So you can have a ‘fairy take’s through your actions or not. But who needs fairytales when you can have way better with Jesus in the mix!
Nice piece, really helpful but just one question, what do you do if you find out that you are actually scared of marriage?
I think you should start to ask yourself ‘why?’ Why are you scared? Maybe there are some mindsets you need to chuck off and replace with right, Godly ones.
Hi Victoria, Demi raised a good question. Why are you scared? Is it because of marriages you’ve looked in on or experiences you have had in the past. Perfect love casts away fear. Even though no one is perfect, God is. You can trust in his love for you. In his ability to help you make the right decisions on who to choose and how to go about marriage wisely. But fear will not keep you in a good marriage. It will do just the opposite. So trust God, and follow his leading. If you ever need to talk, you can email me at email@example.com
I love this piece, Thank you so much.