Ask Laju Iren – How Long Should a Courtship Be?

Dear Laju, there is this great guy who says he wants to marry me. He is into the ministry full time. I see a future with him but I feel I’m not ready to be in a courtship now because there’s a lot on ground now, my academics especially(I’m in 300lvl now and I’m 19 years). He didn’t know my age before but now he knows, he is willing to wait and I know I’m mature but the age is just the problem. I feel I’m might be tagged as too young for a relationship. My questions are:

1) For how long should one be in a courtship till marriage.

2) Should I give him a positive reply now and just keep pushing with the relationship till when I’m ready to settle down (it would take like 5 years before I’m ready) or I should rather wait till when I’m sure I’m ready (maybe 2 yrs before marriage proposal comes in). He loves God and I have so much peace with him. Also, I know he needs to settle down early because of his calling. What should I do ma? God bless you ma.

Hi dear, I’m glad you realize that maturity trumps age when it comes to relationships. I started dating my husband few months to my 20th birthday, but I had graduated by then. I think you can wait till graduation before you enter a relationship. That way, you can give your academics the attention it deserves without any distractions.

There are other things to consider though;

  • What about your parents?
  • At what age would they consider you ready for a relationship.
  • What about the guy?
  • How old is he and when will he be ready for marriage?

Also, I’m not usually a fan of very long courtships. Although I have seen quite a number that seemed to work out very well, long term relationships are usually more susceptible to sexual temptation.

Five years is a long time, my suggestion would be that go into the relationship after graduation instead. You can just build a friendship and wait until then to make a commitment. That is if you are still interested then. Forget about how you will be tagged.

Considering what others might think and making decisions solely on that is not a good habit. There is no hard and fast rule about what age to go into a relationship or how long a courtship should be, so what I want you to do is to bear in mind the information I’ve shared with you and prayerfully make a decision.

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