Insightful tips to save you from a marriage with regrets
By Laju Iren
Pretty girls are a kobo a dozen, but if you want a wife, a good wife, you’re going to have to search really well. Hopefully, knowing the kind of girl you should not marry is a good start on your journey to finding Mrs. Right. So here goes, don’t marry her if…
She is money conscious
Dear young man, there is something I want you to be delivered from. It is the mindset of trophy-wifesm. I will explain: it is when you believe that when you have a lot of money, you can get any girl you want. Hence, your picture of the perfect wife becomes someone who is flawless on the outside and just warped on the inside. I am not saying you should not make something of yourself, by all means please do. But let me remind you that the kind of girl you attract because of money, is not the kind of girl that will stay with you when money is not in the picture. The bible says that money can grow wings and fly away. You must find someone who will stay put if that ever happens.
2. She won’t let you lead
I care a lot about female empowerment and gender equality. But let me state this clearly: the man is the leader in a marriage. That is how God ordained it. It doesn’t make a woman any less of a human being just like not being President of Nigeria makes me any less a Nigerian. I am not saying that you and your beloved won’t get into disagreements at times or that there won’t be times when she won’t undermine your authority; but if it happens so often that objectively speaking it seems like she won’t submit to you as the head, that should be a very red flag for you. If she constantly talks you down, compares you with others, doesn’t believe in you, and is disrespectful , don’t marry her.
3. She dunno the Lord
Marry a true Christian for the sake of your future. Let a woman’s love for God be the first thing that attracts you to a woman before the shape of her lips or the size of her hips. Even wise king Solomon could not recover from marrying outside God’s people.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. It is a woman who fears God that is worthy of praise.
4. She lacks honour/a value system
Think of Job’s wife who asked him to curse God and die, or Lot’s wife who for the love of material things looked back and turned to salt. Marry a wise woman; One whose foundation is stronger than that on her face. You are hoping to build a life not a make up studio. Does your girl know the difference between right and wrong? Is she the kind of girl that will stand for right?
5. She is unattractive to you
Love is an interesting thing. You might see a man whom you believe is the ugliest man you’ve ever seen, happily married to a woman who you think is one of the most beautiful ladies in the world without money being involved. It could be Vice Versa. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and if you can’t see someone as beautiful, there are two things you can do: change your perspective or don’t marry her. Men are visually stimulated, so physical attraction is important. But I beg you to look very well. Sometimes, ill-fitting clothes and a great personality might cause you to ‘friendzone’ someone you should be pursuing with all of your being. If however you have really looked, and still there is no attraction, please don’t marry her. Look beyond the container. If you’re not attracted to her character and her intellect as well, please don’t marry her.
She is unfaithful
If she is unfaithful or thinks faithfulness is a myth, please don’t marry her. It’s a different thing if she has a past that she has repented from, but if your girl is still promiscuous, it does not matter how hot she is, please don’t marry her.
She doesn’t love your family
Some ladies jokingly say they would like to marry a man whose mother is dead. How would you feel if your future husband desires the same? Dear young man, marry a girl who genuinely cares about your family of origin regardless of their imperfections.
6. She is unkind and badly behaved
How does your girl treat those around her when she doesn’t know that people are looking? No matter how classy or sophisticated you think she might be, she is not worth the try if she is unkind. Don’t marry someone who is a trouble maker, a gossip or untrustworthy.
7.She doesn’t support you
If she doesn’t believe in your vision for life, and is not willing to support you, kindly ‘gerrara there for real’. The role of a wife is to be a helper; If you don’t see your girl as your number one fan, it doesn’t mean she is a bad person, it just mean that she may not be right for you.
8. She does not know who she is
Please, marry someone who knows who she in Christ, knows where she is going and what God has asked her to do and is not easily swayed by the people or circumstances around her. Check for wisdom and discretion before make up and body type.
I feel like I must put some end notes on whether or not you should marry a woman that is domesticated. Let me first of all state that it’s your choice; you’re free to look out for what you want. Knowing how to cook or clean is not a character trait; it is a skill that can be learned. I think we must differentiate laziness from lack of skill. Laziness is a character trait I think anyone whether man or woman who is ready to get married must overcome.
Back to my point. Some women can cook for Africa, but are some of the most badly behaved people you can ever meet. (Disclaimer: I’m a really good cook). If marrying a woman that is a good cook is extremely important to you, just be sure that it is way down your list, long after character, compatibility and a God fearing attitude. If a girl has all these and can’t cook, I think you are throwing a good thing away by refusing to marrying her for that singular reason. Don’t forget that people can learn how to cook, that some husbands cook better than their wives and that people employ cooks and cleaners all the time.
What else do you think guys should watch out for when considering who not to marry. Please share with us in the comments section! If you have questions related to this article or anything at all, share in the comments section or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.