Q: What important lessons can young pastors’ wives learn from you?
Conduct yourself in a way that people will respect you. Even when I was much younger-I’m still young anyway (laughs)-I carried myself in a way that people had no choice but to respect me. I don’t do cliques, tribalism or anything of such. I rejoice with people rejoicing and mourn with those mourning equally. Be there for everyone, don’t look down on anyone or give only certain people access to you. As a matter of policy, whenever I got to a new place when we were still being transferred by the church, I made sure I didn’t buy anything for my house from a church member’s shop so it won’t warrant favouritism because I’m the pastor’s wife. Give yourself some respect and regard. These things are very important. Carry yourself in a manner that you appreciate God for the privilege of serving him in this capacity.
Lastly, I watch what I feed my husband with. You know what they say, garbage in garbage out. Because of the picture I have in my spirit of where I want him to be, I do not bother him with petty things unless they really matter. I try my best to cut out drama and deal with issues on my knees and leave him out of unnecessary petty details that might weigh down his spirit.
Be careful not to take people for granted or choke them up. We are what we are by the grace of God. God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. It’s a privilege that God chose you. Treat people with regard and be nice to everyone.
Those who are wrapped around themselves make small packages. Don’t make the whole focus of your life be about ‘me, me, me’, what I can get, what someone can do for me, what I can be, pursuing things for yourself.
Q: You recently turned fifty, what advice would you give young ladies on how they can live their lives to the fullest.
A: It’s still hard to believe I’m fifty (Laughs) I thank God for life. I used to think fifty meant feeling old and everything going downhill but I’m just thankful because I don’t even feel fifty. I thank God for a great life and great family.
For young ladies, it’s good to understand that life is all about reaching out to find out what God has placed you in earth for. Start from where you are and find a way to be a blessing and make life better for others. You don’t have to be in full time ministry just reach out and find a way to lighten people’s loads. Life is all about spreading the fragrance of Christ wherever you are. Your life will get enriched when you’re about enriching other people’s lives. Don’t make your life about what you can get for yourself. I came across a quote years ago that says ‘Those who are wrapped around themselves make small packages’. I think I agree with that. Don’t make the whole focus of your life be about ‘me, me, me’, what I can get, what someone can do for me, what I can be, pursuing things for yourself. That’s a miserable way to live. You find fulfilment and great joy, and even answers to your own questions when you’re on a quest to make life better for other people. I am a great believer in making life better for people who come my way. You’ll find fulfilment when you make your life about making life better for others. Paint a portrait of Christ and hang it in someone’s heart so each time they remember you, they remember Jesus. Look at Rebecca in the Bible; she ended up marrying Isaac because she was selfless. You need to live a selfless life. At fifty, my life is only just starting there’s so much hurt in the world and so many people to reach out to. By God’s grace, I’m just starting life and I can feel the evidence of it already.
Having raised three wonderful young ladies yourself, what advice would you give on the best way to raise girls?
I would say, the best ways to raise girls is to be a model of a godly woman before them. That’s the best way. Over and above what one says or what one tries to enforce, it is one’s lifestyle as a godly woman that influences one’s daughter the most. The influence of your spirit as a godly woman rubs off on your daughters without you knowing it, somehow they just imbibe your spirit and your own lifestyle and so on. I think that is the most effective way of raising daughters.
When it comes to the practical aspect, it is for their father to be close to their fathers so they have a healthy sense of male-female relationship. That’s very important, that the fathers play a very important role in their lives. Right from when they are young, you should be involved in changing diapers, combing their hair and just bonding with them. Very very important, I can’t emphasise that enough.
Another thing is for the husband and wife to have a great relationship, that the children can see, a godly relationship between the man and woman. When they see that you’re practicing the word of God, whatever thing you’re saying would make sense to them because you have showed the way by your peculiar examples. Also you need to understand the stages that girls go through developmentally, emotionally, psychologically and their various needs at each of these stages and then, to be very knowledgeable and make oneself relevant.
In the night when they were sleeping I would wake up, go to their rooms and check that they were properly covered, lay hands on them, pray in tongues and in the Spirit.
How were you able to combine being a musician, a pastor, a pastor’s wife and a mother?
Balance was my key word. I got my priorities right from the beginning; I did not have any misconceptions at all as to what my priorities were and where I wanted to place emphasis. I was going to pay attention to my family at all cost and I did that by the grace of God. I can’t beat my chest 100% yet because my children are still growing older, but so far I thank God.
Balance was the word and I learnt how to balance things out, giving God number one spot and my family the next spot. Every other thing came after my family, and that’s like writing another book on its own. There were certain things I paid attention to so very much. I was involved in my children’s lives, I was involved in their lives so very much. In the night when they were sleeping I would wake up, go to their rooms and check that they were properly covered, lay hands on them, pray in tongues and in the Spirit. When they were away from home, I went to their rooms, laid on their bed, prayed in tongues and in the spirit.
I was their friend, I remained their friend, I built that friendship with them, my husband and i. So we had , we have always had and still have this kind of open relationship where they are free to talk with us. We gist and are very very close, and so I did not allow anything interfere with that. You could say, well did you allow God’s word to suffer? No, Gods work did not suffer, I just was good at managing my time and being very organised which is one virtue I know that God has helped me to develop. I’m a very organised person.
I think it boils down to being an early riser; I plan my day in advance. I wake up quite early, I have my day in order, and I set things in order. My children and my husband make fun of me, how that if we are travelling next month, we have our bags packed already one month ahead *laughs*. Or if I have a flight to catch, I’m there two hours before the time, I’ve checked in and I’m reading a book. I’m not one for, praying in tongues on the way and saying ‘Father hold the plane, oh Lord, let my flight be delayed, Father I send your angels to clear the road now, I must make it to the airport’. I don’t do that at all, I mean, why bother God with that? I just plan my day in advance and plan my life really well, so I think that helps me a lot, to balance things out. So I was able to attend to my husband’s needs and give him the attention he requires while doing the same for the children as well and not also neglecting the congregation. Balance, being organised, I think that really helped me. And then, most importantly is priorities, I had my priorities right.