How to Choose the Wrong Spouse

by Laju Iren

I don’t always show it, but I get a little worried when I counsel some young people about their relationships. Sometimes I just feel like asking them the hubby’s famous words: ‘Why are you so bent on ruining your life?’ That’s why I’ve written this article. I’m hoping that you’d see more clearly what a bad relationship looks like and run in the opposite direction:



The meeting:

Dear Christian, let’s say you meet someone at a night club. Of course, my question to you would be: ‘What are you doing there in the first place?’ But this is not about you. It is about that girl you met dancing the night away at the club who you now somehow expect to be a homemaker who dresses decently and has the capacity to be faithful to you go life. #wehdonesir. Dear sister, when you found him, he was surrounded by other girls and a lot of booze. But somehow, you believe you’re the aphrodisiac that would make him forget all that. #Wehdonema. He was married or in a serious relationship when you guys started on the side. Eventually, he got tired of her and chose you. You think he will not get tired of you and choose another person? Think again!
Don’t get me wrong, in very rare cases, people meet people under the weirdest of circumstances, the person changes and they have a happy home. But because Daniel survived the lion’s den doesn’t mean everyone else will. So be wise. Also, even though the place you meet someone isn’t a guarantee for a good relationship, it sure is a good start.

The wrong criteria

It doesn’t make sense to be looking to employ a teacher and yet put out the criteria for a plumber. That’s what a lot of people do in relationships. You want a woman who will submit to you, love you, be a help meet and a good mother to your children, yet that’s not what attracts you about a woman. There’s nothing about the shape of someone’s lips or the size of her hips that tells you that she’d be a good wife. Remember that you’re trying to build a family, not a make up studio.
What about you dear sister? How can the sound of a man’s voice or his height tell you that he’ll be faithful to you for the rest of your lives and that he will give his all for the sake of family.
Of course, you should marry someone you’re physically attracted to (I know I did). But if you really want to marry the wrong person, put the superficial ahead of depth.


When I was in secondary school, the slang MOP was used to refer the liason between someone who liked someone and the one who was liked. MOP is coined from Messenger of Peace, always wondered why it wasn’t called ‘Messenger of Love.’ But that’s another gist for another day. Alongside the fact that I went to an all girls boarding school which had MOPs because of some untoward relationships that thrive in such environments.
Anyways, back to the point. The person who introduces you to your future spouse also has a role to play. When someone who is unserious with his or her life offers to match -make you with someone, you better look again.
You know the saying: ‘Show me your friend, and I will tell you who you are.’ Well if you can’t date that person, why would you date their close friend?

The questions asked

One sure way to get stuck with the wrong person is to ask The wrong questions. How can you try to figure out their account  balance  when you don’t know the day they got born again. You know her dress size, but you don’t know what service group she belongs to at church. You want to know whether or not their family is influential before finding out whether or not such a person is God-fearing.

Ignore the obvious

Someone is not God fearing, you know it, but because you met such a person in church, you ignore the obvious. He has an anger problem, you know it. She is materialistic, you know it. But when you consider how far you’ve gone, you just ignore the obvious. After all, since everyone already knows you’re dating, why not just make a shipwreck of your life by marrying someone who obviously won’t be a good spouse.

Ignore all good advice

People who are close to someone advised you not to marry him, but you still want to go ahead. The reasonable people you look up to don’t think she will be a good wife, but what do they know? It’s a different thing of they are biased against her because of something silly like her tribe,but if they have good reason, then don’t listen since you’re so bent on marrying the wrong person.

Not in the faith

Dear Christian, No. The answer is no. If you like ask if one million times at one million relationship meetings. You can’t marry someone who is not in the faith. The purpose of your life is Christ and if the person closest to you doesn’t get that, how can you fulfil purpose?  This isn’t about how much he or she loves you at how well behaved such a person is. You’re not of the same kind. Full stop.
Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to share with your friends. Also, please share your thoughts in the comments section!

How to choose a life partner

Before You Marry…

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  1. Birdy April 27, 2017 at 7:41 am

    “But because Daniel survived the lion’s den doesn’t mean everyone else will” was my biggest take on this piece. Don’t let your marriage be filled with prayers for a miraculous change of your spouse’s nature when you can do the needful and seek out the right spouse with the right qualities in the first place. Thank you ma 😊

    1. Laju Iren April 30, 2017 at 10:58 pm

      Most welcome Birdy!

  2. Okorie Emmanuel April 28, 2017 at 10:39 am

    Thank you so much Pastor Laju. I’d also love to have your thoughts on Taking the bold step towards getting married. I’d appreciate that ma.


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