Before You Marry…

You have been waiting for so long. This is the year you get the Bae or Le Boo. This is the year you finally get that ring on your finger, walk down the aisle, and live happily ever after. Pause please. Just before you continue the fairy tale for real, find out what you must do before you get married:

  1. Know the Lord.

If you read through 1 Cor 7, you’d realize something that I try to tell people often-Marriage is not the be all and end all of everything, Christ is. 2 Cor 5:15 says that Christ died for all that those of us who live should no longer live for ourselves but for he who died for us and rose again.
Even if you get married and stay married for one hundred years, it is still is nothing compared to eternity.
You don’t need to be married to fulfil God’s purpose for you. And that’s simple. Your purpose is to know Christ and make him known. There might be many different assignments and variety of ways you can get this done, but it’s one purpose. So sisters, know the Lord and stay in him. The right person will find you there.
2. Know yourself and enjoy your singleness
You aren’t going to know yourself if you keep jumping from relationship to relationship. What are your likes and dislikes? What are your convictions and values? Where do you see yourself in ten years? There are decisions you must learn to make and enjoy your singleness. Now that your time is yours what are the things that you must do. Go on a mission trip? Be more committed in church? Start a business? Volunteer at an orphanage? Go back to school? It is not like you won’t be able to do those things when you’re married. It’s just that it will be much more difficult. This phase of your life is important. Are there areas of your life you’ll need to work on: do you have an anger issue? Do you need to learn how to cook?
You know, the best way to attract Mr. Right is to be Miss Right. If you were your dream man, would you marry you. You see, marriage doesn’t really change who you are. It only amplifies it and makes it more obvious. So if you’re a quarrelsome person, the only thing that will change is your quarreling partner. If you’re dirty, only your pig sty will change. So build yourself first. Enjoy your relationships with your friends, parents and siblings.

3. Know God’s word about love and marriage.

There are at least two times in your life when you’ll get unsolicited information; when you get married and when you have a baby. Make sure you look to the one who created marriage. His word is clear: woman-submit. Man, love. Both of you, submit to one another in love. Both of you, submit to him. You will have many challenges in marriage. But if you follow God’s word above all else, you will scale through.God’s definition of love is not just in buying flowers and opening car doors
His definition of love is written in blood. The blood of his son. So marriage requires sacrifice. It is a picture of Christ and the church. Love and sacrifice on one hand, submission on the other.

4. Know the person

It’s great if you marry someone that is very good looking. In fact, I won’t advise you to marry someone you aren’t attracted to. But you must look beyond the container to the person in it. Don’t just watch how he or she treats you. Watch how they treat their family members, the waiter at the restaurant. What church do they attend? Are they committed? Do they honour their pastors?
5. Know the family
I can’t stress this enough. In many ways, especially in Africa, you Don’t just marry someone but their family. So know what you’re getting into Before jumping in.

  1. Tell yourself the truth

I will not lie to you. A breakup is not always a bad thing. No matter how bad it will always be better than a broken marriage. So observe your partner now. If there are things you absolutely cannot take from them in a marriage, please come clean. No one is perfect mind you, but I think at the back of your mind, you know your limit. Not your limit of forgiveness o! A Christian must forgive all things
But I’m referring to issues and behaviours that might affect the marriage.

  1. Responsibility check

Are you mature enough for marriage? Man, do you have a job? Lady, are you still clinging to your parents for every single thing? Can you take Care of a home? Can you control your anger to a reasonable extent? Are you both wise with your income no matter how little? Commitment is the name of the game ladies and gentlemen. There are some other things to consider: Genotype, financial readiness (especially for guys, but I think women must do their best to always contribute financially to the relationship).

  1. Prayer

The final thing I will talk about is prayer. This is oh so important Pray. Pray and pray. Not just about the relationship, but because being a person of prayer makes you a spirit filled person and with the daily temptations that come with marriage, you need to be spirit filled.
Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think in the comments section. You can read other relationship articles here.

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  1. Ok3nwa January 4, 2017 at 9:18 pm

    Apt. Apt. Thank you!

  2. Joy Ekpah January 4, 2017 at 9:51 pm

    God bless u, word of wisdom embedded in this piece.

  3. Joy Shimite January 4, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    Thank You so much PL. This makes lots of sense. Point No 2. Know urself and enjoy ur singleness.

  4. PEACE PETER-NELSON January 4, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    Beautifully written piece
    God bless you ma’am

  5. Isioma January 5, 2017 at 6:27 am

    My protestant prefect. This is so beautiful. God bless you dear. Thanks.

  6. Esosa January 5, 2017 at 6:35 pm

    Lovely read! God bless you ma!

  7. Cheezy January 5, 2017 at 6:36 pm

    God bless you dear, thanks

  8. Deby January 7, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Thank you ma’am. This is very helpful. God bless you

  9. itunu January 10, 2017 at 10:31 am

    Thank you so much ma…highly insightful

  10. Laura January 21, 2017 at 8:58 pm

    These are sincere guidelines before marriage. Thank you.

  11. tobi January 30, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    Reading this, I had to do a mental check.
    Am I ready for marriage? and the answer is yes.
    Thank you ma’am.

  12. Ayomide Femi March 22, 2017 at 9:13 am

    Thanks Ma

    1. Laju Iren March 22, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      Thank you Ayomide! Hope you come back.

    2. Laju Iren March 22, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      Thank you Ayomide! Hope you come back.

  13. Luther-King Ekama August 9, 2017 at 11:43 am

    Thanks for this article, Pastor Laju. Blessed me!
    In your final statement, you stated that one needs to be a spirit filled person in order to overcome the daily temptations that come with marriage. Please what temptations could these be?
    Thanks ma!

  14. duncan hannah November 15, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    Thanks so much….God bless you ma


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