There are quite a number of things I know how to do pretty well. Sadly, dancing is not one of them. I can’t dance to save my life. People say I danced well on my wedding day, but that must have been a combination of joy at marrying the man of my dreams, their goodwill towards the bride, and my personal determination to ensure that we were ‘sprayed’ to our hearts content. I am jokingly serious on the last count though. Anyways, back to my non-existent dancing skills.
It was obvious right from my primary school days that I was not the person to have on your team if you wanted to win a dance competition. I would be the first person to be removed during auditions or rehearsals.
The fastest man in the world, Usain Bolt, recently lost a medal due to no fault of his. It was a relay race in the 2015 Olympics, the team had already won, only to have the medals recalled two years later because one of the team members was found to have been using performance enhancing drugs.
Where am I going with all these? In what universe does my lack of dancing skills have to do with Bolt? I’m just trying to prove to you that just like in a relay race, having the wrong partner in marriage can ruin your chances of success before you even begin. So, how do you choose a life partner?
1. It begins with you
Relationships are not about incomplete halves looking for people to complete them. They are for whole people, who know that they are complete in Christ.
The bible equation is for two to become one flesh, not two halves.
This is important because many people go into relationships expecting the other person to fulfil them, to fill the void that Christ is supposed to fill. Little wonder they get disappointed.
Know yourself. Understand that you don’t need a relationship to fulfill God’s purpose for your life, so while waiting for Mr or Mrs Right, get to know yourself. What direction is your life going? What are your likes and dislikes? What are your gifts and talents? Strengths and weaknesses? Relationships don’t have the power to make you whole. Only Christ does, and you are complete in him whether or not you have a special someone.
2. Know what you want and want the right thing
It’s great to know what you want, but it is equally important that you want the right thing. You must be sure that the criteria you’re putting out there matches the job description. There is nothing about how a person looks or the size of their pocket or their standing in society that tells you that they will be a good spouse.
I married a really handsome man, so I wouldn’t want to stop you from marrying someone you’re attracted to, but
as a child of God, nothing should be more attractive to you than a person that loves the Lord. That should be what you look out for first and foremost. Look for character, compatibility and intelligence before physical attraction. Marry someone who genuinely loves others, and is a faithful friend. You could check out my post, ‘Before you marry…’ to have a better idea as well as ‘Don’t marry him if…”and ‘Don’t marry her if…’ to know who to avoid.
There is nothing about how a person looks or the size of their pocket or their standing in society that tells you that they will be a good spouse.
3. Know what your dream person is looking for
Dear lady awaiting Mr Right, the guy you’re looking for is looking for a particular kind of girl. Same goes for you looking for Mrs. Right. You also need to be that person’s answer to prayer. He or she has standards too. I’m not talking about being extremely rich or fixing your looks till you resemble a super model.
But I’m talking about character, maturity and experience in the things that really count. Work on yourself. What areas can you improve and how can you do better?
4. Know God’s will about relationships
God’s will about relationships is totally different from what the world presents to us. The world tells us that love is in a hurry and can’t wait until marriage for sex, but the bible teaches us that love is patient. The world teaches us to look on the outward appearance first and judge people by that, but the word teaches us to search the heart. We don’t look at Hollywood or Bollywood, but that wood on the cross, blood stained by Christ’s sacrifice for us. The bible says our marriages are to mirror the union between Christ and the church. That isn’t child’s play.
Know how to choose. Do you choose or does God choose for you? Find out here: Love versus ‘God said’